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Frank West Vs Casey Jones
It takes true genius to realize that anything you get your hands on can be a weapon. WestVsJones.png|MP999 Frank West vs Casey Jones.jpg|The Dark Shinigami Intro Wiz: Throughout the centuries, mankind's progress has been measured by the weapon. The club, the arrow, the sword, the gun, the bomb. Each with its own finesse and its own violent purpose. Boomstick: But weapons are expensive, dammit. Fortunately, with enough blunt force, any household object can become a killing machine. Wiz: Masters of improvised weaponry include Frank West, the war-covering journalist who smacked his way through a zombie apocalypse. Boomstick: And Casey Jones, angry vigilante and ally of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He's Wiz, and I'm Boomstick Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armour, and skills, in order to find out who would win... a Death Battle Frank West Boomstick: Ladies and gentlemen, please strap yourselves in as we prepare to cover the one who has covered wars. Wiz: Are we going to wank for time discussing the role of field reporters and the dangers war journalists face as an intro, or should we just hop right into West? Boomstick: ... Go for it. Wiz: Frank West was one of the world’s most famous freelance reporters, gathering the scoop on wars, world events, interviews, and anything that needed to be put in print or in colour. But fame gets to your head, and when you’ve covered something as big as a war, sometimes, you go the extra mile to look for something even more badass. Boomstick: How the heck does that logic lead you to Willamette Colorado? I know it’s a fictional place, but seriously, it’s the middle of freaking Colorado. Wiz: He actually went there based off of rumours of mysterious events, like any good journalist would. Boomstick: Then he needs to retire from reporting and take up a job for Mystery Inc. Just sayin’. Wiz: Sure enough, on his helicopter ride over, West saw what he perceived to be rioting in the streets, and requested to be dropped off and picked up in three days. What seemed like only a short amount of time to gather scoop turned into a massive wait when it became apparent that Willamette was not having riots... Boomstick: But a God damn zombie apocalypse! Wiz: With his incoming ride being the only known way out of the city, Frank teamed up with a few members of the Department of Homeland Security and barricaded a team of survivors in an abandoned shopping mall to hold out. It was here that Frank’s skills at zombie-killing grew, and he became an integral member of the team. Boomstick: Between smuggling items around and sneaking survivors out, West spent his days killing the hell out of the undead. But what kind of reporter leaves to gather scoop armed to the teeth? Without many weapons on his person, Frank made do with what he had around him. And by that, I mean he absolutely wrecked with whatever mundane item he could get his hands on. Wiz: It’s implied Frank has had to carry a firearm at his side before, but had never had to aim at a person. This would hint at a limited amount of combat experience before the incident on Colorado, but luckily, he was a fast learner. Boomstick: And like any other manly man, he took wrestling in High School, so he wasn’t completely helpless from the get-go. Despite his everyman appearance, he packs a mean swing with any club-like weapon. And oh lord, are there so many things to swing in your average American shopping mall. Wiz: Judging from promotional artwork, remember this is an egotistical photographer, Frank’s weapon of choice seems to be the baseball bat. While corked bats can allegedly make balls fly further, solid wooden and metal baseball bats pack a wallop when swung correctly. Just ask our intern Gary. Boomstick: West is also proficient in smacking zombies up with a 2X4, frying pans, guitars, golf clubs, pipes, hockey sticks, brooms, potted plants, shovels, stepladders, hammers, and my favourite, the salmon. Who doesn’t want to smack the undead to death with a dead fish that doubles as a snack afterwards? Ah, the dream of edible weaponry. Wiz: Those are just the standard swinging weapons Frank can use if he comes across them. They do moderate amounts of damage, but if Frank is willing to take the risk of slower attacks that leave him open, he can opt for... heavier objects. Like dumbbells, which no doubt are strong enough to cause fatal head damage to a regular living human. Boomstick: He certainly doesn’t look jacked to me, and granted, he probably skips leg day. But if that wasn't enough evidence to his physical strength, he's capable of lifting zombies up over his head and giving them a good throw, or if he wants to get in close, he can deliver a somersault kick so hard the victim will just lose their head over how cool it is. Wiz: The most powerful melee weapon West has used is the small chainsaw, which he acquired from a demented clown. Boomstick: Though it runs on fuel, it won't run out for a very, very long time, unlike the larger counterpart. Strap it to a pole, and you can do some very high top-heavy damage from far away. Oh, chainsaws, how I love you so... Wiz: This might explain your ban from using Dewalt products. Boomstick: No, that's because of the power drill incident. I repeat: I just wanted a churro. Wiz: With firearms in meagre supply, West often has to resort to throwing objects should he want to keep his distance. As one would suspect, the lighter items can be thrown easier, but do less damage. Boomstick: Though it’s really fun to try and kill someone with a can of soup or sack of flour, when your life is on the line, sometimes you got to go for the old bowling ball. Strike! Wiz: Though when Frank finds a gun that isn’t of the water variety, you can bet he puts it to good use. He’s used sniper rifles, submachine guns, heavy machine guns, AK47s, pistols, and even stun guns. Boomstick: Where does he keep all this? Wiz: Beats me. Unlike a certain Hylian, Frank doesn’t have any magical excuse for being able to carry a near infinite number of small items, though larger ones cannot be stored. Boomstick: Yeah, I guess it would be hard to shove a bench into your back pocket. Oh, did I mention he uses a bench? Yeah, he’s capable of lifting it up and using it as a battering ram, for when there’s no time to take the long way around a group of the undead. Wiz: There are many more ways Frank can mow down hoards, chief being the lawnmower. If he can get his hands on an actual car, then that works too, though I’d argue that the shopping cart is still the most iconic... especially when he upgrades it. Boomstick: The weapon cart is just your regular shopping cart sure, but with the added benefit of having all the sharp things sticking out. Plus, no squeaky loose wheel. Running around and re-killing the dead with this baby makes you feel unstoppable. Wiz: Frank’s inventiveness aside, he’s also pretty good at exploiting the environment to his advantage outside of picking up weapons. When you’re under this much pressure, it can be difficult for some to remember that a hot frying pan fresh off the stove can do more damage than the regular pan. Boomstick: Trust me, Frank is not under a lot of pressure. Who else would spend a crucial three day period cooking and trying on different clothes in an apocomall when they’re supposed to be collecting crucial case files that link the outbreak back to the government? Granted, I'd take the time off to try on a sick Mega Man X cosplay, but still... priorities, man. Wiz: Sidetracks aside, West isn’t entirely unstoppable. Most of his weapons weren’t designed to be weapons, and if they don’t run on ammo, it’s likely they will break and become unusable after a number of hits. Even the all powerful laser sword can only last so long... yeah, he can get a laser sword. Boomstick: At the end of the day, Frank’s experience goes only so far as fighting endless hoards of zombies, and a couple other psychopaths trying to take advantage of the chaos. No super nemesis-type zombies, no boss battles against evil government scientists in missile-shooting helicopters... just mindless drone after mindless drone... wait, he has a laser sword??? Wiz: Yes. Somehow, if Frank manages to survive five days, he will be bestowed with an incredibly powerful beam saber that can land 300 hits before it breaks. Boomstick: I’d say “sweet”, but you turned me off at the breaking part. I think I'll stick with the Mega Buster, Mega Man's signature arm cannon. Incredibly powerful, and incredibly long lasting. Wiz: And incredibly non-canon. Boomstick: Go rain on someone else's parade, why don't you? Wiz: Frank is also heavily limited to what weapons he can find in the surrounding area. He can keep a large amount of small weapons on him, but they tend to break rather quickly, so Frank’s inventory is almost always shuffling in an endless cycle. Boomstick: And they say war never changes... he should know. Wiz: Well, I for one consider a zombie apocalypse to be a major war, and not only did Frank pull through, he was actually the key player in rescuing survivors and ultimately changing the world. In the game's canon ending, he made it out with the evidence to link the outbreak back to the United States government, in typical zombie fashion. Boomstick: Yet the outbreaks somehow continued. But for one regular man with regular household items to survive in an abandoned mall for three days... wait a minute, what am I saying, Frank isn't normal! Frank: All right, gimme your gun. Come on, I'm the reason you just got hurt. Let me help. Jessie: No! I cannot let a civilian do that! It's against regulations! Frank: Yeah, well, I don't think they had zombie-infested malls in mind when they wrote those regulations kid. Jessie: Do you know how to use this? Frank: Kinda. I've covered wars, you know! Captain America: Pity you’ve never actually fought in one. Boomstick: Ooh, crossover burn! Casey Jones Wiz: The world isn't fair. It will beat you, hurt you, push you to your very limits, and give you nothing in return. For some who choose to fight back, the justice offered from law enforcement just isn't enough. Boomstick: We've all seen the vigilante origin story in comics before, but my lord, is this one pretty brutal. Wiz: As a kid, Arnold "Casey" Jones lived with his family in the downtrodden parts of New York City, where his father worked as a mechanic. Things weren't too great, but Casey managed to get by, until the fateful night where the street gang known as the Purple Dragon took center stage in his life. Boomstick: You'd think these guys were just Mortal Kombat rejects because they worshipped Barney the Dinosaur instead of more badass cyborg Australians, but nope, these guys are just as violent as your average New York gang of thugs. After being denied protection money, the decided to raid the shop, gun down poor daddy and take Arnold's mom and sister hostage. Wiz: Casey's stubborn streak earned him a massive beating in the process, but he never gave up his quest to avenge his father. Someone needed to take a stand against organized crime, and it had to be him. Boomstick: I think you mean "take a stab", because Casey's solution just happened to be ''stabbing a motherfucker's neck with a knife!'' Wiz: Thus began Casey Jone's descent into madness. As he grew up, he became increasingly violent, lost most of his friends, and had to learn to live on the streets. Boomstick: But with all he sacrificed, Jones learned one thing: That crime was still out there. And justice needed to be served, whether from the law enforcement, or from him. Wiz: Donning his iconic hockey mask to protect his identity, and heading out with the best weapons he could find... Boomstick: Sports equipment Wiz: ...Casey Jones began his crusade against crime; his rampage of revenge. And it wasn't long until he came across New York City's more refined vigilante group: The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Boomstick: And which is the ONE turtle you DON'T want to meet first? Raphael. Wiz: Jones was a regular human with regular weapons. While he used surprise to his advantage, his lack of skill confined his earlier targets to small groups of thieves or muggers, prey appropriate for only one turtle to handle at a time. Boomstick: Didn’t stop him from actually murdering his victims. Geez, this guy is like the complete opposite of Batman. I mean, he actually wears hockey pads! Wiz: And while Raphael also had a hotheaded streak, he was also a turtle of honour. Casey and Raph would come to fight each other several times before coming to terms. And while Raphael’s training and superior weapons should have gotten easy victories, Casey surprisingly held his own, which did not go unnoticed by the turtles. Boomstick: After shaking hands and taking down a large group of thugs, Casey came to respect New York’s crime-fighting quadruplet, and returned to help them escape the evil Shredder. By lending out his farmhouse as a secondary base, Casey Jones bonded with the team, and became its seventh member, after master Splinter, and hot reporter April O’Neil. And before you ask, yes. The only two humans on the team, male and female, would eventually get to hooking up. Hands up if you saw that coming? Yeah, thought so. Wiz: Though, it is worth noting that his first wife was actually a pregnant waitress in Colorado. She died during childbirth, leaving Casey to raise their daughter Shadow up on his own until April and him finally got to the altar. Boomstick: He named their kid Shadow? Geez, hockey players are more emo than I thought. Wiz: It’s not angst, Boomstick, it’s anger. Casey’s incredibly violent personality, stemming from watching the wrong TV shows as a kid, tends to get him more riled up than Raphael himself, and it makes him an incredibly vicious fighter. His element of surprise is not to be underestimated. Boomstick: Some of Casey Jones’ favourite pain-bringers are without a doubt his hockey sticks, which can be made of solid wood or lightweight hollow plastic. The blades on the end make it an ideal weapon for tripping opponents, hooking objects, or shooting grounded projectiles. Given that he carries pucks with him, but is also fond of using rocks or pop cans he comes across, Casey is almost never without ranged options. Wiz: The hockey sticks are often Casey’s go-to objects for basic melee combat as well, but should he want more of an oomph, baseball bats aren’t far behind. Casey is a mean swing, able to knock trained ninjas unconscious with one shot to the head, and can very easily return projectiles to sender. Boomstick: Name a piece of sports equipment, and Jones probably has it equipped. It isn’t just the bag over his shoulder that connects him to the greens; he uses golf clubs as well, preferring to stick to the driver side of things. Cricket bats, tennis rackets... why he’d want all these for swinging is beyond me, but if anything can be a weapon, I guess one must learn to grab all the weapons. Wiz: And all of Jones’ weapons aren’t just sports related. For example, you wouldn’t see Wayne Gretzky or Barry Bonds sticking nails in their weapons, but Casey isn’t afraid to draw blood. He’s also not above using steel pipes or any other pole-like objects that can be salvaged from the near environment. Boomstick: Again with the damn melee weapons. If it wasn’t for the balls he had, this guy would be totally predictable. Both literal, and metaphorical, balls. Or, actually, I guess both are literal. You know what I mean. Wiz: Well, the turtles very rarely wield anything other than their preferred weapons either. Although his fighting skills were initially self-taught from movies and books, he has been taught martial arts by the four ninjas, and even Splinter himself. Boomstick: Didn’t splinter also just teach himself from movies and books? Wiz: Hush, Boomstick. Regardless of the means, the result is that Casey is a very skilled combatant, both armed and unarmed. His ability to duel-wield is impressive on its own, and he's physically strong enough to lift and throw entire exercise machines! While often not able to keep up with the main strike team, Casey can hold his own against the highly skilled Foot Clan ninjas, and often serves backup or recon when the action gets heated, though he has gone up against, and even defeated, the Shredder. Boomstick: He sure found out that slicing up dense wooden objects isn’t as easy as it looks. Your average stick can take a hell of a beating. Wiz: Casey’s armour can also take a surprising amount of hits, because its... well, you know, sports equipment. While he prefers to keep his legs light, his upper body is often covered by hockey gear. With a hard plastic surface and shock-absorbing foam on the inside, he’s not going down any time soon. Boomstick: He must have listened to his mamma growing up, because knee pads, elbow pads, and his iconic hockey mask are almost never out of reach. Adding to his outfit, Jones sometimes dons roller blades for quick travel. Plus, garbage can lid shield, amirite? Wiz: You’d think he’d top it all off with a bike helmet given their defensive abilities, but I guess that hair has to flow somewhere. Its not often that someone's hair is so damn smooth, they can ace a job interview while wearing a suit and a goalie mask. Boomstick: He may not be mutant. He may not be turtle. He SHOULD not be teenager, coughcough2012seriescansuckmydickcoughcough, but he is without a doubt ninja. Granted that stealth is the biggest weapon of the group, or at least is supposed to be, it’s only natural that Jones has been educated in the craft. And to good effect; in a duel with Raphael, he was able to outstealth the anger turtle to claim victory. Wiz: It would be feats like these that should make Jones a permanent member of the group; however, his biggest weakness comes from his mental instability. If too angered, he will forget plans of attack; he will forget his training; he will become a murdering machine. Boomstick: Sounds great on paper, but in a world chock-full of ninjas and trained fighters who are all like “you must control your emotions blah blah blah”, it makes Jones pretty easy to overcome. Wiz: He’s often convinced, both by others and himself, to take time to sit on the sidelines for this very reason. So he doesn’t have nearly the amount of combat experience the turtles themselves have. Taking time off to raise his daughter and marry Miss Jumpsuit also decreased his training in his later years. Boomstick: Which actually says a lot, given that the Turtles have gone through time, visited different dimensions, and even became professional wrestlers! Granted, “Mean Green Smackdown Machine” wouldn’t be much of a thematic name if Wayne Gretzky on Steroids was a member. Wiz: Casey’s weapons are also, at the end of the day, not designed to be weapons. No matter his proficiency in using them, there’s no doubt that guns or swords are more deadly. He's also, kind of dumb in some appearances. You don't see Donatello beating the crap out of kitchen appliances to serve them justice. Boomstick: But if having a sword guaranteed victory, then Casey would have died long ago to the Foot Clan. Instead, he’s alive and kicking ass alongside one of the most famous teams of superheroes on the planet. Attention all crooks who skipped gym class: step back into the alleyways of New York, and I can guarantee you, it will come back to haunt you. Thief: What the hell was that? Casey jumps down from a tree Casey: That was a crime, you purse-grabbing pukes! And this is, uh, the penalty! Proceeds to beat them up Casey: Two minutes for slashing, two minutes for hooking, and, let’s not forget my personal favourite, two minutes for high sticking! Interlude Wiz: All right, the combatants are set, let's end this debate once and for all. Boomstick: IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!!! Death Battle! (Joe’s Theme, 0:00-0:41) Michelangelo: I’m telling you man, April is totally into me! Donatello: If I may, she is not. You’re a completely different species, and we’re all pretty much physically repulsive to the human eye. Casey: Aww, don’t say that. You guys are pretty tough-looking, and the chicks love that. Leonardo: Too bad the chick Mickey wants loves you instead, bro! The four turtles and Casey are walking through an abandoned mall, after chasing down a few members of the foot clan. They’re sharing a couple boxes of pizza between them, though it’s disappearing fast. Raphael: Yo, save me a slice of meat-lovers! Michelangelo: No way, man, you’ve got a whole pie in that box there! Raphael: It’s Hawaiian. Casey: Just pick the pineapples off. Raphael: The taste lingers. Seriously, people who put pineapples on pizza probably put pineapples on the graves of their loved ones too. The quintet is overheard by Frank West, who is nearby taking some pictures of an abandoned clothing store. He sneaks around to behind a small wall and peaks out at the group. West: Holy crap! I’ve never seen those kinds of zombies before! One of the queens must have cross-contaminated a human with a turtle! Judging from those weapons... this is bad... The turtles and Jones continue to walk, with West silently tailing them, ducking behind cover and preparing his camera. West: I’ll show that April chick who the better reporter is. He takes out his camera and shoots a picture of the group... with the flash on. (Abrupt silence) The five turn and look at him as he facepalms. Leonardo: I think he saw us... Raphael: Get the camera! West: Ain’t nobody touching this camera! Before the turtles can react, West draws a pistol from his coat pocket and fires a shot which hits Mike in the shoulder. As he cries out in pain, the turtles ready their weapons, but Jones holds up his hand. Jones: You guys get Mikey home! I’ll take care of this guy! Donatello: You sure you don’t need our help? Jones: I can take him. Plus, the less he sees of you, the better. The turtles ditch the pizza, pick up Mikey, and run out. Jones takes a baseball bat out of his golf bag and walks towards West smacking it into his hand. Jones: It’d be best if you just give me the camera the easy way, pal. West: I don’t know whose side you’re on, but if you’re hanging out with those mutated freaks, I can guarantee it’s not mine. I’ve made it my job to expose secrets like those. Jones: Do you have any idea what you’re up against here? West: Not in the slightest. ((Frank West Mashup Theme, 0:00-0:06) Jones pulls his mask down over his face, and West picks up a bat that dropped out of Jones’ bag earlier. West: But I’ve covered wars, you know. FIGHT!!! (Frank West Mashup Theme, 0:06-1:12) The two run at each other and swing their bats at each other; Casey’s swings have more power and after a few strikes he is able to open West up and hit him hard in the chest and head. West stumbles back into a small garden and rolls through it, taking the time to uproot a garden gnome and plastic flamingo and throw them at Jones. Jones smashes the gnome with a swing and sends the flamingo flying up into the mall’s second level. Jones: Home run! West: Grand slam! Jones looks towards West who has picked up a metal bench from the other side of the garden, and barely has time to jump out of the way before West brings it crashing down on where he once stood. The attack also knocks over a nearby gumball machine, spilling the contents at Casey’s feet. Swapping out for a hockey stick, he flips a gumball up onto his stick and juggles it a bit before smacking it at West’s forehead. West turns and runs for cover while getting pelted by gumballs, forcing Casey to up the ante by setting up a jawbreaker. Jones: He lines up his shot. He shoots! With a powerful slapshot, Jones shoots the jawbreaker at West, who jumps through a glass window into a mall restaurant as it whizzes over him. Jones runs after him, but by the time gets into the restaurant, West has hidden himself in the dark kitchen. Jones hunts around and hears a whistling noise coming from his right; he barely has time to see a gas stove has been turned on before West steps out of the shadows behind him and wraps a sausage link around his neck, attempting to strangle him. In the struggle, Jones’ mask slides up a bit and he bites a sausage in half to escape the chain. As he raises a golf club to attack, West grabs it mid-swing and pushes it away; with his free hand, he smacks Jones in the face with a frying pan and grabs him by the hair, pushing him towards the burning stove. Inches away from the flame, Jones pushes back and escapes Frank’s grasp. West grabs another frying pan and, with his two shields, fends off Jones’ furious strikes with the 5-iron, creating a rather unique drum beat. Holding the golf club with both hands, Casey extends it to Frank’s chest between the pans and twists it, tying up Frank’s arms and forcing him to drop the pans as he steps back. Jones: I’d give up now, punk, before... His taunt is interrupted when West slaps him in the face with a fish. Enraged, Casey Sparta-kicks Frank into a food shelf, where dozens of cans fall down and are caught by the reporter. While retreating out into the seating area, West throws the cans at Jones, who literally bats them all away. When West is out of ammo, Casey dive-tackles him to the ground and the two roll across the floor of the restaurant, knocking over chairs and tables. West manages to stand up first, and notices the emergency fire station on the wall next to him. Casey stands up but quickly ducks behind an overturned table to avoid the fire axe thrown at him; it imbeds itself in the wall behind him, next to an escalator leading to the second floor. Jones: Woah, take it easy man! West: I’m not the one who needs to cool down! As Jones stands up out of his cover, he is immediately met with fire-extinguisher foam to the face, temporarily blinding him. As he swings wildly with his bat, West dodges the attacks and grabs Casey by the waist. West: Heave-ho! Frank suplexes the vigilante to the ground at the foot of the escalator before rolling onto his front. Reaching up to hit the escalator’s emergency start button, he grabs Casey’s head and slams it into the floor, causing it to get scraped repeatedly by the rising escalator steps. After taking a bit of abuse which cracks his mask, West kicks backwards and nails West in the groin, causing him to shriek in pain. (Silence) West: (Squeaky voice) Unsportsmanlike conduct! (Bring the Noize, 0:57-2:08) Jones stands up and begins to punch West’s face before ducking behind him and tripping him onto the escalator with a golf club. As West recovers, he sits on the rising steps and takes out his pistol, firing numerous shots at Jones. Casey runs ahead of the shots and jumps on to the axe handle sticking out of the wall, leaping off of it onto the escalator and onto Frank. The two struggle against each other as it carries them up to the second floor. As an injured West rolls across the floor, Jones stands over him and holds up his now-broken baseball bat. Tossing it away, he takes out a cricket bat and tennis racket, twirling them in his hands. In response, Frank reaches around for the closest thing he can find and holds up the plastic flamingo from earlier, pointing its metal feet at Jones like a rapier. Jones: Watcha gonna do now? After a look of dead seriousness, West throws the flamingo over his shoulder and books it into the nearby Canadian Tire. Jones: Hey, get back here! Casey chases Frank through the aisles, shooting pucks and tennis balls at him whenever he spots him through the shelves. As he runs out into the open, West ambushes him by crashing a cash-register onto his head before running off. A dazed Jones looks over to see a sign hanging from the ceiling marked “sports equipment” next to one marked “carpentry”, and picks himself up. A montage then plays of Jones swapping out for brand new hockey sticks and bats, taking the time to stick nails into them, while West sweeps up and down the aisles sticking anything useful he can find into a shopping cart. Now with deadlier weapons, the two sneak alongside the backs of the same shelf before they turn to face each other. West’s powerful swings with his newfound barbell decimate the nearby environment, and Casey is forced onto the defensive, ducking back to avoid West. Grabbing a skateboard off a shelf, he lies his back down on it and kicks off a wall, sliding down the aisle. West swings at a tire which rolls after Jones, but Jones stays ahead of it and out of reach of West. West then drops his weapon and runs away. Jones retrieves his upgraded bag and West grabs his stash before the two come face to face again in the main aisle, with a long line of shelves between them on the side. Jones is now fully armoured with hockey pads and deadly baseball bats, golf bag stocked full to the brim with other clubs, and West’s shopping card is filled with hammers, saw blades and axes sticking out the sides. Jones: What makes you think you can win this? West merely holds up a tank of propane and knocks on it; the hollow ring signifying its emptiness. West: I’ve covered the floors, you know! As Jones’ eyes widen behind his mask, West tosses a lit match onto the floor, causing a large field of fire to rapidly approach him. Thinking quickly, Jones climbs up onto the 15-foot shelves, and begins to run across them over to West. West braces his hands on his shopping cart’s handles and drives it into the shelves, creating a domino effect which slowly topples them, throwing Casey off balance. He lands in West’s cart and West runs him straight out of the burning store into the main hallway of the mall. As Jones struggles to get out, West lets go of the cart and kicks it down an escalator. Jones barely manages to hop out mid-fall and uses two hockey sticks to hook himself to the sides of the stairs, slowing his descent at the cost of strain in his arms. To his utter shock, West is now standing at the top of the stairs holding a machine gun. (Saints of Los Angeles, 0:58-1:42) Jones: You have GOT to be kidding me! Jones leaps off the side of the escalator to dodge the shots, and West advances after him slowly, never ceasing fire. As he approaches the bottom of the escalator, Casey runs out from behind his cover now wearing roller skates and begins to skate laps through the mall lobby. Barely outpacing the bullets, West drops a load of golf balls onto the ground, and they scatter; each time he rolls past one, he shoots it at Frank, hitting him in the head but not stopping his fire. Eventually, Frank runs out of ammo and discards the gun, ripping a metal pipe out of a nearby damaged wall. Casey runs up to him and Frank holds up the pipe to block Casey’s cross-check. The two struggle before Jones head-butts the reporter in the face. His next swing is dodged as Frank drops to the ground and knocks Casey’s feet out from underneath him, tripping him up as well. Casey kicks the skates off as they stand up and begin a fierce duel, pipe vs hockey stick. Eventually, Casey shunts West’s pipe to the side and spears him in the eye with the knob of the stick. As West staggers, Casey lifts him up and runs him over to the shopping cart, slamming him down into it. With a propane tank peaking out the side, Casey grabs a match from West’s pocket and looks his enemy dead in the eye before lighting it, sending the cart shooting across the floor like a rocket and into a clothing store which promptly goes up in flames. (Silence) Jones: Gotcha. Casey approaches the burning store holding two bats, wary of West’s chances of survival. (Duel & Cloudscapes, 3:03-4:24) And sure enough, a silhouette of a man rises up, and West steps out of the flames holding a chainsaw taped to a broom. As he advances, he rips the chainsaw’s cord, turning it on, and extends it out in front of him to establish his new weapon’s range. Jones slowly retreats, before swinging at West with one of his hockey sticks. West cuts the weapon in half like hot butter with his superior reach and power, continuing his advance on Jones who is now down to one and a half weapons. The two circle each other slowly, looking each other in the eyes as the sound of West’s chainsaw echoes throughout the mall. Each attempt by Jones to rush in is met with a move from West’s extended weapon, keeping the vigilante at bay. “Sheathing” the broken stick, Casey begins to shoot pieces of debris at West, who cuts them all down effortlessly until West runs out of ammo and redraws his broken stick and the standoff begins again. In a desperate fake-out, Jones fakes going left before switching and dodging to the right. Frank’s jab misses, and Jones closes the gap. Tossing his broken stick aside, he reaches the hook of his other one around West’s ankle and yanks forward to trip him up. As Frank begins to fall backwards, Jones’ free hand grips the middle of the push broom handle and crushes it, breaking Frank’s weapon in half. As Frank continues to fall, Casey drops his other hockey stick and reaches up with his arm to grip the chainsaw handle. When West hits the floor, Casey has the chainsaw held in both hands, flipped around, and he drives the active blade into West’s torso. As West screams, the saw rips into his flesh, spraying blood everywhere. His screams quickly stop, but his body continues to violently shake as the chainsaw breaks his spine, pierces out his back, and carves into the floor underneath. Jones finally stops the blade and rips it out of West’s body triumphantly before attempting to wipe the blood off his mask, only managing to make a wicked smear of red. K.O!!! Casey grabs a slice of pizza from one of the abandoned boxes and begins to chow down while exiting the mall. Frank’s bloody corpse stains the nice marble flooring. Results Boomstick: Come on and bring the hate. I’ve covered YouTube comments, you know. Wiz: Very little of this fight was in West’s favour, though it was still a close match. The key to Jones’ victory was his superior training in fighting and his better combat experience. Tutelage under legendary martial arts master Splinter and the TMNT outdid high school wrestling, and the stealthy and deadly members of the foot clan were more dangerous opponents than any basic zombie or crazed clown with chainsaws. Boomstick: Almost all of West’s physical attacks focus around throws and smashing opponents into the ground; too bad Casey wears armour entirely designed to take hits from blunt force on a larger scale. Even West’s famous flip kick wasn’t effective, as it requires getting dangerously close-range, and Jones wouldn’t have any of that. Wiz: Even though West has used everything Casey has and more, Frank is restricted to using whatever he comes across, which presented too much of a wild card to be considered an effective advantage. This brings the environment of the battle into play as a big factor, determining if West had access to samurai swords, cans of soup, machine guns, or water pistols, while Casey had his most comfortable equipment with him from the get-go. Boomstick: Though very little in Frank’s vast arsenal would make a difference. In the end, the vast majority of his useful items are simply swingable objects, leaving West to try and beat Jones at his own game. Wiz: West is also inexperienced with guns, and while he learned some skills against brain-dead zombies, the highly trained Jones was a different matter altogether. Casey’s arch nemesis, Hun of the Purple Dragons, uses machine guns with much more skill than West, putting a lid on Frank’s chances of taking the battle by firearms alone. Plus, with limited ammunition reserves, all he could do was keep Jones at bay for a little while. Boomstick: Was that a pun on Michael Bay? Wiz: ...no? Boomstick: The most dangerous item West had going for him was the chainsaw, likely capable of breaking even the densest sports gear Jones had. But, Casey has spent nearly his entire life fighting off thugs with bladed weaponry, and even trains alongside some of the most skilled ninjas in the world. One ordinary man with a chainsaw was not above his ability to take down. Wiz: Casey’s physical strength also far surpassed West’s. While the reporter is capable of lifting barbells and humans over his head, Casey’s bench pressing borders on superhuman, and he has shown to be able to lift and throw entire lat pulldowns at groups of thugs across the room. Boomstick: Our favourite sports fan just scored himself a victory. How many of you guys saw that coming? Wiz: The winner is Casey Jones. Do you agree with the results of Frank West Vs Casey Jones? Yes No The result was right, the reasoning was not Trivia *The music used during the finale of this battle was mentioned by Jocelyn the intern during her analysis of Scrooge McDuck on an episode of the Desk of Death Battle. Next Time Boomstick: Next time, on Death Battle! GOMU GOMU NO...PISTOL!!! Category:What-If? Death Battles Category:'Video Games vs TV Shows' themed Death Battles Category:'Video Games vs Comic Books' themed Death Battles Category:'Hero vs. Hero' Themed Death Battle Category:MP999 Category:Completed What-If? Death Battles Category:'Hero vs. Anti-Hero' themed Death Battles Category:What-If? Death Battles completed in 2016 Category:Death Battles with Music Category:Death Battles with a returning combatant